FAQ Page

Great question! And the answer is no. In many cases, breakups don’t lead to broken hearts. But if they do, then you’re in the right place. However, to be clear, this retreat is NOT about:

• Dating
• Figuring out attachment styles
• Learning about codependency or patterns
• Therapy
• Boundaries
• Finding love again
• Learning to love your body or honoring your sexuality

These things are SO important in the overall sense of emotional wellness and wholeness as a human, and if you’re looking for these kinds of tools, I can direct you to a great retreat that will meet your needs, but The Heartbreak Hotel Retreat is built *exclusively* around talking about and processing your heartbreak – no matter if it just happened, happened a year ago, or happened five years ago. These three days offer you an invitation to FEEL your feelings – something most of us don’t know how to do well, and often feel ashamed of having, let alone expressing.

This retreat is about learning HOW to feel. Our innate freedom as humans, which we freely expressed as children, has been suppressed and repressed and we no longer know how to connect with ourselves. How can you grieve when you don’t really know how? When you’re told to keep quiet? When we are not expected to do so, as part of our normal human experience?

This is about FREEDOM. Being in a safe environment where you are free to cry, share, scream, dance, move and talk. You are free to feel all your feelings – anger, betrayal, sadness, shock, emptiness, regret, denial, disbelief. Where everyone else in the room knows exactly how you feel, despite the fact that they all have different experiences of the same pain. You will not be judged. You will be seen and held in a safe container.

You will not come away healed in three days, nor should you ever believe anyone who tells you that you will! Though healing can happen from some of the practices we will be engaging in, all you’re expected to do is show up. We will hold the space for the weight you carry.

This is not a therapy retreat. No one here is a therapist or grief counselor or anyone certified to “treat” behavioral health issues. We cannot diagnose or help you work through your grief in any kind of therapeutic way. I have complicated grief and depression, but I will not coach you or give you any advice about these mental health issues, as they are just parts of who I am and the emotional journey I’m on. We can’t recommend any modalities of therapy or direct you to any counseling resources, but we can certainly talk about our own experiences together. The group is free to share about their mental health struggles, what has worked for them and what they’re interested in, etc. It’s a sharing circle. Talking and learning are encouraged! But, ultimately, we are a group of humans joining together to hold space for each other’s grief.

Because my experience in life is as a cisgendered woman, I can offer support and share stories about my heartbreak journey from that lens. And while I think supporting cisgendered men is incredibly important – maybe even more so than women, since men often do not have spaces where they feel safe sharing their emotions – I don’t feel equipped at this time to open the space for you, if this is how you identify. I welcome anyone who identifies and lives as a woman, as well as non-binary folks who feel that a space full of cisgendered women would be the right place for them to grieve and heal.

I would be shocked if something didn’t come up for you in the three days we’re together. I say this because this is a space where we are expressly inviting in emotion, and we’re welcoming both the exploring and expressing of it on all levels. I don’t think it would benefit you to sit and observe and not actively participate, since my personal experience has been that this does not work to fully process grief. This is WHY I created the retreat! Because reading and journaling and watching sad movies is not the path to healing (in my humble opinion). So, yes, the processes we go through, the sharing we’ll do in a group, and the things that others say or feel may absolutely stir things up inside of you. And if you’re not used to being vulnerable or never felt safe expressing your emotions, then this will likely be a bit uncomfortable at first. That’s how it was for me in the beginning. So I got you. And I understand you if you are scared or apprehensive. If you’re not ready, this is okay, too, and right now may not be the best time for you to join us. But please know you are not required to share. You are not obligated to grieve with us. Your process needs to work for you. But if you are triggered by anything, then you will always be welcome to sit things out, go in another room, go to your room to meditate or just walk on the beach by yourself. Whatever it is you need, you will be invited to lean into. Remember, this is not a therapy retreat. We cannot diagnose or help you work through your grief in any kind of therapeutic way. We are a group of humans joining together to hold space for each other’s grief.

I have thought long and hard about this answer because it’s a very good question! Heartbreak comes in all shapes and sizes, and is often the result of a relationship ending, a divorce, a friendship loss, a betrayal, or death of a loved one or a treasured pet. And though the experiences are different, the fact that you’re shattered from a profound loss has no bigger or smaller impact on your heart. A break is a break! When there is a crack in the sidewalk, it makes no difference if it came from an earthquake or a telephone pole falling on it. Maybe the size of the break will be different, but it is no longer the same, regardless of the delivery mechanism. So I can’t tell you not to join us if your heart is broken from something other than the loss of romantic love. We are all grieving something, so please join us if you need healing and want a space where you’re welcome to share all that weighs on you. Just know that many of us may be talking about romantic heartbreak, so if that feels isolating in some way because we aren’t all sharing about the loss of a pet, for example, please take that into consideration when booking. But just know that your tears are welcome here.